EVERY TRANSITION IS UNIQUE

I came out as a trans man when I was thirty-two years old. That was 18 years ago.

The question I get asked the most is, "When did you finish your transition?"

This question always gives me a little chuckle, and the reason is that, for me, it would be the same as being asked, "When do you finish being human?"

For me, transition will be a lifelong process, because I don't see transitioning as a series of steps from beginning to end. Rather, it is an evolution of my humanity and my experience in it.

My transition started for me when I could begin being able to live authentically within my gender identity, and then when that was established, I was then able to start my continual transition from what I'd been to who I was becoming. And although all living beings have an expiration date, our growth within our lifetime, is not.

For some folks, they do see it as a process of steps that have a beginning and an end. For example, coming out is the first step, starting hormones and getting gender-affirming surgeries is the second step, establishing connections, relationships, and community living in their authentic gender identity is the third and last. Some folks then feel the "transition" of gender is finished, and the living of life in their true identity is them starting a new life in that truth.
And then there are folks who are not linear in any way when it comes to transition. Some folks come out as trans or non-binary and have no plan sketched out, nor do they ever plan to. Some folks choose hormones, some folks don't.

Some folks choose names that stick forever, some folks change their name until something feels right. Some folks take hormones and do surgeries, some folks take hormones and don't do surgeries.

What I ask everyone to remember is that there is no "right way" to transition, and there is no "right way" to be in your authentic gender.

As for the folks who are our family and friends trying to understand our process in order to be a source of support, love, and allyship, the most helpful thing you can do for someone you love who you're trying to support in the act of transition is to accept that their narrative may not be formatted to the mainstream ideals of what being transgender is.
There is nothing linear about being a transgender person or non-binary person. Just like cisgender people, we all have our own unique way of being in the world, of relating to ourselves and others, and how we choose to live our lives in ways that support who we are in that individual process.

So, while trans folks may have similar threads in their transitions, this does not mean that if we don't follow a specific thread, it means we are more or less trans than someone else.

I lived for five years post coming out as a trans man without testosterone hormone therapy due to the risks associated with how it would affect my singing voice. It was 2006, and any information surrounding vocal transition on testosterone was non-existent except shared stories from other trans men I'd met on their own experiences. And the only information I had to go on at that time was a consistency that they had lost their ability to sing.

As a professional singer-songwriter at the time who had just gotten a major label record deal, I couldn't risk losing what I'd been working for all my life. I chose my voice, as it was as important to me as my gender identity was.

The reason I'm bringing this up is that at the time, I was told I couldn't possibly actually be a trans man if I was choosing my voice over my gender. And it was really damaging, and although I've since transitioned with hormones after discovering how to successfully transition vocally, the reality of how I felt delegitimized in my gender identity by the expectations of other trans men was something I swore I would continue to speak up against because there are trans men out there who are as much trans men as I am, even if they choose to never go with testosterone hormone therapy or any gender-affirming surgeries.
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As a community, it is so important to accept and respect that every individual has a right to their own narrative, to their own choices, their own comfort, in how they choose to transition. Our job as friends, family, lovers, allies, is to move with them in their individual choices and support them based on their needs, not our bias.
I'm here to support all individual narratives. You can choose the most non-linear route to your authenticity. My job is to support you on that route, on that journey, and give you the tools you need to meet yourself where your truth and heart live.